shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
