My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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