So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize