Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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