went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
