12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
