btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
