Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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