Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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