Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i just made my gag reflex go away.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
