What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Randomize
