if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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