I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
