I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
