I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
