This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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