maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize