K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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