So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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