What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
