so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
