Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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