i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
