Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
