My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
