Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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