Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
