Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
