You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
