They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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