Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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