i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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