Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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