It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
