I think i sorta joined a cult last night
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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