I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
