If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
