You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
