Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Randomize
