You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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