i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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