He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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