I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
