So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
