his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
