That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
