So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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