You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
