3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
