Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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