Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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