dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize