You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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