I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
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