He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
