we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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