was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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