I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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