You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Still dying that you shit outside
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
