I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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