it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
