what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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