i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
