Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
