what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
