just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
