I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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