why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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