I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
