By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
