wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
