so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
