take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
