I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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