Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
