So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I love you. Go after that dick
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize