Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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