awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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