So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
