I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
