Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Randomize
