So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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