Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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