Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
