As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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