I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize