remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
