i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
