I heard we made out
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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